I’m a student age 18. Did Zina at the age of 15, for almost every week with my ex-boyfriend over a year. During that period of time, i still did my daily prayers and attend religious classes with him. I was also trying to teach him more about Islam and others but at the same time i did the wrong thing too. I realise what I did was wrong, I felt guilty, both of us regret what we’ve done. We’ve discussed about this before and telling each other that we should stop but then whenever we meet we will still continue doing the same mistake and it’s just so hard to control. Until, he broke up with me last year. I know there’s a reason for the break up, I am gratetful for that and I’ve learnt A LOT too. Allah has guided me to be a better person, I have also changed for the better and repent because before this i’ve also missed my daily prayers before and sometimes a number of my fasting days are not counted because of Zina. It has been over a year after our break up, still i think of both him and my mistakes everyday, I NVR stop loving him. I pray everyday in order for Allah to make him my first and last and to be my jodoh. Also to give him guidance like how Allah has given me. My question is, is it wrong for me to pray for him to be my jodoh? Some say that jodoh has already been set and cannot be changed but i can’t forget about my mistakes as it is still hunting me until today. I really do regret with what i’ve done, all I want is for him to be my first and last, my jodoh. Is it possible? I mean with just prayer and no actions taken? Is that an effort too with just prayers?Because we didn’t meet one another or even contact anymore. I know, I can’t move on with someone else as it will only make me feel guilty and sad for the rest of my life. Ustaz, I really hope that you are able to ans my question because till today I’ve been waiting for Allah to answer my prayers. I am not as happy as how I used to be, i am also not at ease and always worrying, It’s tiring because i am trying my best to be positive but negativity seems to be always pulling me down. Thank you for your time Ustaz.
It is good to hear that you have repented to Allah. Allah said in the quran
“And whoever acts evil or wrongs himself, then seeks forgiveness from Allah, shall find Allah Most-Forgiving, Very Merciful.”[Surah An-Nisaa 4 : 110]
“Ask your Lord for forgiveness and then turn in repentance to Him…” (11:3)
“O you who believe! Turn (in repentance) to Allah with sincere repentance; Perhaps your Lord will remove your evil from you… ” (66:8)
The ‘Ulama have stated the following 3 necessary segments which complete one’s Taubah :
Being ashamed and grieved over one’s sins.
Leaving off the sin, immediately.
Having no intention to commit the sin again.
We pray that Allah constantly guide us to his obedience. Ameen.
As for your first question as to whether is it permissible to pray that he becomes your future spouse. It is permissible. But what I would like to advise you is to ask Allah for a suitable match as Allah knows what is best for you.
It is important for you to have strong faith in Allah and never lose hope in him. Remember that he knows what is best for you. Sometimes you assumed that something is good for you but actually it is bad for you. So depend on the knowledge of Allah and surrender to him. That will be your salvation I this life. Do not depend on your inclinations as it will certainly lead to disappointment sooner or later.
By this you will be free from all worries as you are always in a positive state towards his decree. And strive towards his obedience making your only goal in life to attain his pleasure.
InsyaAllah you will be blessed.